He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
