remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
