the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
