My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
