For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize