we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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