Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
