Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
