"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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