Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm bleeding and have questions
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
