i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize