I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
