OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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