Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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