Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
