ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
