first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
