i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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