when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it hurts more in the daytime
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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