Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
