In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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