I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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