youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
