she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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