the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
