THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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