return my video game
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
