I'm going to jail i love you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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