i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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