You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
