Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
