I think I won the penis lottery.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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