it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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