I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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