mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
