You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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