I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
