nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
as a side note pls kill me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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