YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
