So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
