"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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