hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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