i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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