11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
