community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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