This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
