Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
