is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We talked him into tasing himself.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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