wanna go halves on a baby?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i will never coherently bang her
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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