it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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