if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
