theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
