I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
