VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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