I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
