Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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