She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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