I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
