My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
my liver is dry heaving
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
