can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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