By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
