How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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