Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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