Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my shit smells like andre
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
