dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
accomplished twins. life is a go
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
