Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
